Here I am, conjuring myself to write a blog after the sudden death of a close relative. Does it matter to me? Am I confused and dazed, it’s like a surreal feeling of numbness that I have gathered in my heart to pour on this blog post. Even when my close pet bird died I was so upset and angry, I guess it matters how close your circle is, but after a few weeks life carried on. What does death teach me about life, I am happy in the current cycle of life, do I want to be here if death was close on the heels, I have no clue, does family matter or will I die alone ?
What is the answer to this fruitful puzzle called life, I am just running in a rat race pretending to be better than the next guy, anxious and nervous about my next paycheck because I will buy a big home or a deluxe car just to show society that I am a winner in life. Society doesn’t care, I’ll be bored as a hippie, do I want to travel the world, find new places to visit, I’m much more of an introvert, I don’t know what I want, a psyche analysis of the brain might reveal the truth, but I have no idea. Do I reinvent myself and be a new me, help people, I have no idea.
There are still some things I would like to pursue – love, the ultimate drug, high on love can get me past a few years till it begins to fade away. Be more in touch with people that helped me, I guess. I don’t know why this Feeling of nothing being worthwhile is still instilled in me, nothing seems worthwhile. I wish my neurons were more efficient in creating sparks so I could be happier. Exercise is the biggest motivator I have found but it goes away in winter so try and taking up new activities to energize yourself. Saying yes to life and pushing the thoughts of death away
